Sisnarf@21: The Method Man

/*
*@param         stuff
*
*@returns       gives someone who umekoms and gumobas new neat skills.
*                        The best of it is it tells him to stop when it's time to stop.
*/

private static SuperSaiyanPowers getSuperSaiyanPowers(WTFParameter stuff) extends UberString {

try{

   private String ironic = "Is on the day you were born, it becomes the day that
you'd die." ;

   private String strange = "Is when you're reborn on the day that you were born.
Strange right?";

   private String happy = "Is a connotation for birthdays. The catch - it isn’t
always happy. Sometimes it’s gotta be sad.";

   private String liwba = "In my case, it was just semi-ironic, semi-happy and
purely strange. . . Dot dot dot. It was sad in a sense that you think that your
birthday has got to be happy. But it's a day of evaluating your life, so naturally,
you remember stuff - happy and sad stuff. So you are affected by those sad bytes of
memory. It was semi-ironic because I didn't die. Yes the best part of my birthday was
it was strange.";
 
   private String basgu = "It was a day of Reformat and Reinstallation. Everything I
knew were flushed down the toilet.It was like I was sucked into this abyss. You
first level down to the times when you were young and stupid and all you knew were
things like  ABC, 123 and hahaha then you suddenly realize you gotta wake up because
there are many people waiting for you to wake up. You have got to get out of that
binary state where all you see is just plain black and white.";
 
   private String shite = "Because of shit that happened on my birthday, I was
reborn. Like the super-saiyans who become stronger when they survive near death
experiences, I conquered that damned tribulation they call death. I conquered. Shit I
kicked ass and I thanked God for giving me those long-delayed saiyanic
capabilities.";      
 
   private String soya = "When I woke up, I knew it was not a dream. The floor was
full of perspiration. It wasn't just perspiration. It was cold dry effin blood and
sweat from killin a mad death ripper. I know where all those came from. It was a
hard battle. Haha! Have you ever tried to battle yourself? That was the shit man.
Those liquified drops were the fruits of my tama o mali philosophy. Fuckin respect
goes to the mad death ripper bro. Fuckin respect.";

// the following algorithm outlines how to make your 21st birthday more meaningful  
// and give an educational approach to it.
 
// this method call gets you totally wasted and high.
// It temporarily sets you to a state of nirvana and takes you to the twilight zone.

   useStuff((StuffParameter) stuff);  
 
   if (youDoNotStopBreathing){
 
       youAreStillAlive();
     
   } else if ((youGetToSeeTheDeathRipper) && (isOverdosed)){
 
       // you have two choices
     
       if ((youWantToSeeYourAncestors) && (youWantToEndTheMadnessOfItAll)){
     
           youBetterGoStraightToYourCasket();
         
           // because your life is all over
           return null;
         
       } else if ((youChooseToLive) && (youChooseToContinueBreathing)){
     
           youDoNotStopBreathing = true;
         
           spaghettiProgramYourAssUp();
         
           stopAndWaitForAWhile();
         
           rememberYourLovedOnes();
         
           rememberTheHappyPartsOfYourLife();
         
           rememberEverything();
         
           chooseTheBlueAkimichiPill();
         
           // this method  call will ensure that you will live through this
           killTheDeathRipper();
         
           gainExperience();
         
           levelUpAndTakeDeathRipperItems();
         
           playFinalFantasy7VictoryTheme(teeenneenneTantanan);
         
           // this method call will trigger the Brain class to fucking send the
  // neuron signals for the Eyes class.
           openUpYourEyesYouAintGotToAnalyze();
         
       }
   }

   doNotPretendThisDidNotHappen();
         
   //this method call ensures you passed all of it and that you would never dare try it again.
   Skills acquiredNewSkill = soyanessNaMgaBro(this.soyabeans);
 
   return ((SuperSaiyanPowers) (acquiredNewSkill.feed(ironic,strange,happy,liwba,basgu,shite,soya));
 
} catch (LifeException e){

   e.throwItAllAwayTheLoveTheLoveWhatAboutIt();

}
 
}

Off topic lang, this is a pic taken during graduation, before my birthday